Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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