Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
