uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So many bounce houses so little time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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