remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
