I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
