is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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