I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
