Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
