it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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