Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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