my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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