Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
that is very illegal...i love you.
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