Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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