We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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