i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
