So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
