Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
