fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
