omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
