I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
