I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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