This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
