you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
as a side note pls kill me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
