Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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