I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
