Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
