I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
