Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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