I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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