apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
