There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
