Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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