Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
