Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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