can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
