Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
