Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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