Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
