We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
