As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
