we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
