Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
