Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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