i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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