why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
