69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
