The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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