I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
