Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
