this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
