I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
