Kiss
Puke
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there's paper in my vomit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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