the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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