You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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