why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
soo... how was my night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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